March 2011 Update- Counting the good as well as the not so good

I recently read a friend's blog entry about their experience with her husband being diagnosed with cancer.

With her permission, I quote this paragraph from her entry:

"Some people would say my life before cancer was easier but I don't agree. We are in the unique situation that we get to spend all of our time together as a family. J doesn't have to go to work but because of his years in the military he still is able to get compensation. Bud doesn't go to public school because we home school. Bubba and Bug will home school as well. We get to go places together like the zoo, OMSI, the beach. We can go swimming in the middle of the day if we want. We are a family and we get to spend our time as a family. I know that Bud is at the stage where he might not want to be with us soon but I'm holding on to him tight.

So, I have deceided that the grass is greener now. Even with all the health problems that J has to go through. This is my greener, my happy place, my home. Because home is where my family is."

I admire her strength because she is not stuck living in the past nor does she cling to what might or could have been.  She recognizes the pain that comes with reality but she is not bound or trapped by its chains of bitterness. Now am I saying she doesn't experience pain? To say so would be very ignorant of me. What I am trying to say is she does not sweep things 'under the rug' but faces life with her head held high because of the strength she has found when she is on bended knees pleading-to-whoever-she-believes-in-for-who-knows-how long.  She is finding the strength that comes from knowing who she really is or as Kathy Headlee-Miner would say, her 'authentic self'.

She is discovering the enabling power of being and living in the moment. She is finding confidence in the things that matters to her the most. What an amazing and lasting lesson to learn.

I appreciate her perspective. There are times when things don't go the way I had planned or hoped and I often get fixated on the negative and forget to count the good things that are also happening. The good and the not-so-good can live and they can co-exist with each other. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Wow.


I've met so many like this amazing woman, who just teach me so much about life. And teach me how I should live in it and not wish I was someone or somewhere else. I must admit I do not know everything she and her husband are going through nor can I pretend to even imagine what it is like. But if you only know who she really is, you'll learn how real she really is.

Her perspective gives me strength. I hope that I can continue to embrace not only the high happy moments in my life but also when I am at my lowest. I am learning that during the moments of when I am most uncomfortable, I can learn and grow the most. Only and only if I allow myself to do so.

Thanks my friend for reminding me of this valuable lesson.


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In the spirit of counting the good things that are happening in my life, here's something good that happened to me this month:

- I got a 33% on a midterm for a class I decided to take for fun. I met with the instructor and learned that this was the lowest score he's given in the 10 years he has taught at the University of Utah.

I did not give an excuse or a reason as to why I got the score but I accepted full responsibility.  It was what it was. I didn't want to get stuck to why I failed and how terrible it was that I failed. But thank goodness this instructor is not just a teacher but a mentor. He gave me three options--audit, withdraw and should I fail the final, he'll give the test verbally to me. This method has helped me in the past when I've failed tests before.

I am learning not only to embrace every failure but to allow it to help me improve. There are times when I know the exact lessons I need to learn, or if I wait patiently, the lessons come in their own due time. But then there are times when there are no lessons to learn, I am learning to enjoy them for being: "it is what it is".

Many years ago while I was an undegrad someone taught me that I should not only take classes to fill my time but to take classes from great mentors, classes that will help me stretch myself. With only 5 weeks left of being a graduate student, this instructor has met that requirement.


- I went to a sandwich store and this was what happened:

Guy taking my order: “Name?”

Me: Jerome. J-E-R-O-M-E

Guy: “Okay” writes down j-e-r-o-l-e. So I correct him. He says.”It’s close enough. They’ll get it right over there.”

Guy who completes my order yells: “Jhirley!”

Of all the names I've been called-- Ramon, Jamal, just to name a few, Jhirley is my favorite so far. Maybe I'll name my future kid that or then again maybe not...