Hmmm...

It's been a month (almost) since my last entry. Where to start?

I really respect people that can write their thoughts eloquently. I enjoy reading about people and their experiences but I need to read more. I checked out a book from the library but didn't get to finish it--I forgot I had it and was fined some hefty fees of which I still need to pay. Okay so the fees are only $3.00 but when the public library is supposed to be used for free...

I just finished reading Erin Neff Peter's book, Memoirs of a Gaijin. I took it with me wherever I traveled and on my lunch breaks. I didn't realize how often I was laughing out loud until people on the plane, or in the lines waiting for my food, started giving me "the look". So I smiled and looked back right at them.

During one of my weekend travels, I fell asleep on the plane and when I woke up, found the book missing. I thought the guy next to me took it. I asked him if he saw it but he either didn't hear me or pretended to not have heard me (twice). I was more than willing to give it to him as a gift if only he admitted to taking it.

The next thing I hear is the flight attendant broadcasting on the PA system that she found a book in front of the plane. I guess my book flew off the seat when the plane landed. She later told me that she'd like to get a copy as she too lived in Japan and want to read what Erin wrote about her experiences.

I also enjoy reading Hop's thoughts. His thoughtful articulation poetically gets it down on paper (or in this case, his blog) what my fingers can't pull out of the jumbles that is in my brain. It is like picking up a plateful of overcooked wet noodles with a spoon.

So what's happened in the month or so? I've grown up a bit. Not taller, but I think I'm beginning to understand a little bit better what it means to be a grown up. Certain innocence and naivete is exchanged with enlightenment as experiences become more perpetual. Reality hits, facts become as they are-- facts. Logic is beginning to make more sense.

And Hope finds greater hold into my own character. The reality of faith does not need to be a balancing act; a choice between "either" or "Or" but an "And" to everyday living.

I am learning that zeal is requiring more effort and tenacity to maintain. That there is a cautious and delicate balance between zeal and apathy.

It is taking more concentration and effort to balance youthful exuberance. Avoiding becoming a regular contributor to the frequent tones of cynicism demands a more constant vigil.

I am also learning that an important part of being a grown up requires greater responsibility, and accountability to one's emotions and actions whatever the original or consequential intentions were or are.

One must act still despite of the expected outcome of reciprocity or expectations (maybe even the lack thereof). The world and everyone in it will still go on. As more doors closes, more opportunities become more apparent. One must act for progress to continue.

Irony is more involved with my daily exchanges more than I'd like to admit. Ironic isn't it?

The capabilities and possibilities of self-knowledge, or awareness of our own insecurities, strengths, skills, potential, knows no boundaries. And yet for some reason we have tendencies to allow them to be bound by the limitations set by our own prejudices or perhaps what we allow to be dictated upon us.

I am learning that part of being a grown up is the ability to act and not be acted upon.

But despite of all of these or perhaps because of all of these experiences, I am still finding plenty of reasons to laugh at myself and everything around me.