My big mouth and I

I invited my neighbor, who is in the active duty Army (correcting my previous entry) to an activity for single adults with my church. It was held in Provo which is a 30-45 minute drive from where I live.

I have and am continually learning that--

1) Bitter people should never be given the microphone so they are not mistaken as someone speaking for me.

2) There's a right time and place for everything.

3) What and how you say something can really make a difference.

4) I still have a lot of work to do on being diplomatic.

5) I often respond to a lot of things on face value.

6) Some prefer while others get offended at my communication style.

Let me explain, a guy and gal gave a lesson and I am convinced they are somewhat, if not completely, very disappointed with their dating lives as they took this time to express it so.

Guy: Girls, if you don't want to go out with a guy, just say no. Don't lead them on...

Our purpose here on earth is to be good mothers and fathers. If we don't get married, that'll never happen.

(I don't remember the exact words he used as I tuned him out, but it went to a tune similar to that)

Girl: Guys, girls flirt with guys they like. So if we flirt with you, it means we like you. We don't flirt with guys we don't like.

(Her attitude was more morose, and I don't exactly know how I can more explicitly convey that here).

Eyes rolled when she said that. I was a bit taken aback by her statement. I loudly replied:

Wow, that tell's a lot about your character now, doesn't it.

I was about to add: Now, tell me. How old are you again? But I caught myself and stopped.

I am no expert but my experience with individuals such as the two I met Monday night appear to exemplify what it means to "miss the mark."

Perhaps, they are too focused with going on dates that maybe, just maybe, they forget to first build and establish a relationship founded on mutual respect, trust, and serving one another.

I wonder if going on "dates" based only on emotions is causing some to forget that developing friendship is critical in cultivating a relationship. It could just be me but I think that's an important factor to any successful and happy relationship. Whether it progress to dating or not, be it at work, school or even the grind of every day life.

I was getting bored so I emptied out the garbage cans that were already crowded with used plates and half eaten food. I got to meet some nice folks that way so that was good. Turns out I wasn't the only one not listening.

I tried to get to know and become reacquainted with others though some were more receptive than others. It was unsettling to me that I brought my neighbor to an activity where I had to cringe at what I was hearing and watching. It felt like watching a train wreck and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

I was glad that my friends from my local congregation in Salt Lake were there so we all sat and talk. They were at least more friendly to my friend.

We laughed at the irony of it all that we drove all the way to Provo to catch up with each other and for the fact that we had just seen each other the day before!

At least they had a good sense of humor about it.

Driving back, my neighbor Chris, and I enjoyed a good laugh talking about our silly experience that night. It gave us an opportunity to discuss our values and beliefs.

I decided that in order for me to better facilitate a more welcoming environment for folks I bring, I need to step up. So I volunteerd my apartment for any or all activities for any in my congregation. Whether they are single, a family with children or anyone off the streets.

Hope that my Monday night experience in Provo will soon be only be a clear reminder of what a Church activity should not be.